Monday, October 26, 2009

Job Posting on Crāigslist/Tōrōnto

Here is a mock job posting on behalf of the typical agency I found on the list:
[...] Our tense, open-concept, uninsulated work environment, emphasis on work-life balance (90%-10%) and tepid rewards help make us nearly indistinguishable from the rest. Founded too late in the tech boom, our state-of-the-warehouse-art headquarters is located beside a busy stamping plant.

We are looking for developer wannabees to restock our demoralized developer pool and be another faceless cog in our digital sweatshop.

The Softheaded Engineer is mainly responsible for generating billable hours. If the customer complains, the Softheaded Engineer is then responsible for the lack of technical specifications, technical design, code, unit and integration tests, despite the insane schedule and zero budget. He/she will also be subjected to ridicule at unscheduled occasional design and code reviews, none of which results in high quality software services and offerings. The deliverables are expected to pacify, or at least confuse the customer, by at least seeming to meet the statement of work. Softheaded Engineers are also responsible for continuous post-release fixes to bugs that were hidden from the customer. Softheaded engineers rarely participate in initiatives to improve processes, standards and practices. [...]

• The ideal candidate is a programming whiz with low self-esteem, with degrees in Confuser Science, Election Engineering, or Behavioural Physics.
• 1 - 2 years industry experience desired, max. Any more and you'd know enough to avoid shops like ours.
I think the best bit is «The deliverables are expected to pacify, or at least confuse the customer.»

-ulianov

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Call from a Finnish Recruiter

Last year I talked to a Finnish agency and that ended up with a job offer from Nokia, so this things are for real. Yet this guys wrote to me from a .hu e-mail adress. His name is Finnish tho. Strange.
I did find your contact info from the Romanian Bestjobs website. Consequently, I would like to inquire your initial interest in co-operation in a field of IT consultation in Finland/other Scandinavian countries as we are looking for the contractor/consultant to work in our customer projects.

[...]

Mainly we are looking for consultants to a project based assignments. Projects duration vary from 6 months to a year.

May I ask you what would be ideal position for you?
The last question sounds interesting or it may be this guy's wobbly English.

-ulianov

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

An Annoying Piece of Virāl Mārketing

I got in the e-mail this piece of personalised "new-medium" marketingspam from an agency I had interacted with in the past:
You've trusted Ant & Bee with your resume over the years
and our Recruiters have been working hard to help you with
your job search. I would like to personally thank you for
working with us and also take this opportunity to extend a
new service too you:

Control your own career.

”Worker ants. Busy bēes.®” is our recruiting engine at work
on Faceboōk. Using the exponential power of referrals, you
can now tap into Faceboōk's 300 Million users to help you
find a job. Just like Wikipēdia transformed encyclopedias,
we believe social networking will revolutionize your ability to
post your resume and find a job.

As the President of Ant & Bēe, I am extending you an
invitation to join me in revolutionizing the Recruiting industry.
I encourage you to send me a friend invite on Facebook
(Find me as Alecō Bōrba, http://www.facebook.com/aborba?ref=name)
and to post your resume too (http://apps.facebook.com/antandbee).

You and your friends get the benefit of referral fees paid
directly to you, and employers get the benefit of hiring
someone that was referred by a friend.

See you online!

Alēx Bōrba (aka Alecō)
President
Ant & Beē Corporation
facebōok@antandbēe.com
These creeps will use any medium or channel to advertise their inept slogan and ineffective [for me] services. Somehow this "ant" metaphor (and the knowledge of the nature of ant hills) suggest a sweatshop to me. Just an impression tho.

An their use of the (R) character in a piece of spam is sweet!

-ulianov

P.S. I use "funny" characters to shield this page from being indexed by a search engine for the wrong reasons.