A Perl Contract Or Spiralling Down the Rabbit Hole

T.A. of Newton, MA e-mails about a Perl contract in Snottybridge (Cambridge) saying

My client is looking for an Engineer to work with Perl and improve some in house applications.

I followed up with a call and it appears that U of Harvārd has some webapps of mixed Perl/PHP backends and they want to do a bit of cleanup. My position was along the lines of

Improving Perl applications can be tricky as Perl (unfortunately) allows people to write unreadable code.

I would like to see some of the offending code first (perhaps under NDA).

Alas it wasn't meant to be: the hiring manager wants people to pass a knowledge test and come interview in-person on a set date.

Being that atm I am busy and know better and am not jumping for joy at the thought of working for such a exalted institution I conveyed them my warm wishes of all the luck in the world finding a Perl guru interested in maintaining a (potentially disastrous) code base and bid them adieu.

-ulianov

P.S. The parking situation in Snottybridge is catastrophic so one more reason to "say no to the Tee" ;)

Will Answer G00gle Queries Radio-Yerevan Style!

[If you wondering about Radio Yerevan check out the article on Wikipedia.]

From recruiters:

Q: funny life of recruiter
Q: like to experience being on the other side of the fence (being the recruiter)
A: It's crap. People lie all the time about their qualifications/accomplishments and most likely you have no technical expertise to weed them out!

Q: opening lines for corporate recruiting
Q: best opening lines for a recruiter
A: If you are a recruiter be normal, brief, open and honest. Candidates will appreciate your lack of BS.

About recruiters:

Q: recruiters pushy
Q: [why job] recruiters are annoying
A: Some are, mostly the incompetent ones.

Q: are it recruiters useless
A: Alas 66.666% of them are as they have no technical background.

Q: why do recruiters send me jobs that i am not a match for
A: Because they use Ctrl-F to search for keywords and not read one yotta of what you wrote there.

Q: why do some recruiters meet face to face before representing you
A: In my experience this afflicts mostly Canadian recruiters. Basically if it sez so in "Recruitering for Dummies" they must follow it! Or they have a corporate policy set by a Chief Something-or-Another Officer who read "Recruitering for Dummies" which is much worse.

Q: sweet talk to recruiter for employment application
A: Everybody does it but don't lie. It serves no purpose.

About W0rk0polis (Kennadian special):

Q: W0rk0polis resume formatting is terrible
Q: W0rk0polis resume review shows wrong format
Q: why W0rk0polis resume looks so bad
Q: why does W0rk0polis fuck up your formatting
Q: sometimes on W0rk0polis it's hard to a upload resume
Q: how to format a resume for W0rk0polis
Q: uploading resume to W0rk0polis expectations
A1: Abandon all hope ye who enter. Their MS-Word Resume parser is utter garbage!
A2: W0rk0polis is nowadays haunted only by Canadian recruiters.

Q: posting still up on W0rk0polis and have not been called yet for an interview
A: Me too! I must be doing something wrong!

Q: what do recruiter hits on W0rk0polis mean
A: Nada! Nix! Niente!

About M0nster

Q: will my m0nster resume be spammed by recruiters
Q: posting resume on m0nster tons of recruiters
A1: Yes! Definitely! Publish your cell number if you want to have serious fun! Be mindful that US/Canada have 3^1/2 timezones and they will call you from the opposite coast!
A2: For added fun if you are in Canada post on M0nster.CA and have fun being spammed by US recruiters!

Best-in-class:

Q: recruiter fucks recruit xxx
A: This must be a pr0n query but it is funny any way your read it.

-ulianov

Staff Wanted (in Canada)

From time to time scammers hit me on old-generation Monster addresses with fantastic! terrific! lots of $$! ads like the one below. Apparently RCMP thinks this is money laundering and plain (criminal) fencing [typos come verbatim from spammers].

-ulianov

Hello, We have an excellent opportunity for an
apprentice applicant to join a rapidly expanding
company.

An at home Key Account Manager Position is a great
opportunity for stay at home parents or anyone who
wants to work in the comfort of their own home. 

This is a part time job / flexible hrs for Canadian
only,This is in view of our not having a branch office
presently in Canada, also becouse of paypal and ebay
policies wich is prohibit to work directly with
residents of some countries.

Requirements: computer with Internet access, valid
email address, good typing skills. 

If you fit the above description and meet the requirements,
please apply to this ad stating your location.

You will be processing orders from your computer. How
much you earn is up to you.  The average is in the
region of $750 - $1000 per week, depending on whether
you work full or part time.

Region: Canada only.

If you would like more information, please contact us
stating where you are located and our job reference
number - 6608/CH. 

Please only SERIOUS applicants.

Another version, more bizarre:

Good day,

Let us introduce ourselves. Our company's name is
InterTr*ns Consulting LLC.

Our international firm well known from all over
the world in the financial area. We commenced
doing business in America. But today we doing
business in different countries. Today we expanding
business in Canada.

We glad to inform you, that our firm is interested
in your profile for the Financial Assistant opening.
Due to the firm's enlargement and breaking into the
new sectors, we are glad to provide you an opportunity
to be a part of our ambitious corporation.

Please, see our offer:

Post title: Financial Assistant;
Region: Canada;
Payment: $1300-$2500 CAD/week;
Flexible work schedule;
Work from home;

Basic requirements for the Financial Assistant
job offer:
  Work permit in Canada;
  18+;
  Ability to use the Internet;
  Mobile phone communication;

For additional employment information, please answer
us at: abcdef@example.com .
Your Resume will be a plus for our decision.

We are looking forward to your initiative. 

Have a bless day!

And another:

New post is available nowadays
in our Company at Canadian market.

Attention: The number of openings is limited.

Our Company works with dropshipping system. So
you, as a part of our team, will represent Us
in your state, get the post, correspondence or
goods to your address, examine the goods,
repacking/consolidation if necessary and send
to an address given by your supervisor.

This position will take only a few hrs of your
time a day. You just need to stay in touch
during working hrs, have a wish to get extra
money and be 21+. You will have stable income
with us. More goods or correspondence you
handle more money you will have.

This is 110% scam as nobody in Canada refers to it as the Canada -- probably 419 by the services in the matter of flourish and awkward phrasing:

We considered your resume to be very 
attractive and we thought the vacant position
in our company could be interesting for you.

Our firm specializes in consultation services
in the matter of bookkeeping and business
administration. We cooperate with different
countries and currently we have many clients
in the Canada. Due to this fact, we need to
increase the number of our destination
representatives' regular staff.

You will be responsible for shipping goods
from multiple shops through our company to
different places. Part-time and full-time
employment are both currently important.
We offer a flat wage from $1000 up to
$3,500 per month.

Merry-Go-Round with Recruiters

Today I got pinged by a US recruiting outfit about a job in the automotive sector. It happens that I knew the hiring manager for this and I made an inquiry to the manager. The response came back that "we're not hiring for the next 6 months". But the outfit contacted me repeatedly indicating "interest" in me by the hiring manager. Funny, eh?
-ulianov

On Unattainable Things in Toronto

Got a call from a local (Toronto) recruiter about an embedded job. The guy had the idea that I am a QNX guru (altho I only mention it once, in passing in my 20-page Resume -- cool!, he knows how to use Ctrl-F) and he's got this great f/t position for me with an auto manufacturer in (gasp!) Oshawa {translation: it's GM}.

I had to cut this love affair short as commuting from outer West-GTA (where I live) to outer-outer East-GTA (Oshawa) would take 2 hours on a good day in one direction.

So I sez "I'm not going to Oshawa" and hung up. So rude of me...

-ulianov

On Canadian Employers' Antics, Again

Got pinged by a local (Toronto) recruiter with a hook, line et sinker that ran like

Wanted to see if you would be interested in intermediate / senior embedded systems C or Java on Linux developer position with our client , fast growing (100+ employees), transportation software development firm, west of Toronto. [...] Call me

So I started probing about jd, location, $. Being that I am in Boston I requested a phone interview first, to sort them out (the jd indicated that they wanted and Embedded Linux expert and a C#/MS-SQL maven in one body -- cruel, eh?).

He came back with

G**b liked your profile but would like to proceed to 30 min logic test online before scheduling phone call interview.

Interesting: on one hand they are looking for

• 5+ years embedded development in C
• 3+ years embedded Linux development

but on the other they screen people like new grads [with a timed test no less!].

Myself I am not opposed to online professional proficiency tests but alas this was an IQ test, you known if 3 squares point this way how would the next 2 point?. But I never liked this kind of riddles and am not good at them as they bore me to tears.

The test did have 3 [simple] programming questions which I will show below. Alas they were phrased in VisualBasic and I only have the C transliteration.

I sent back the prog solutions and they insist on going thru the whole shebang.

So this lead nowhere and to me it shows how some Canadian employers are highly disrespectful with the candidates' time and competence (to me it would have been more fruitful to spend the same amount of time to chat with them on the phone than to waste it on dumb riddles).

(The connoisseurs have enjoyed thes antics with G**b, Mo*ega and other such shops with weird hiring policies.)

-ulianov

1.=======
int f(int x)
{
  if(x == 1) return 1;
  return x * f(x-1);
}
int main()
{
  int y = f(8); // What does it print? ==> 8! = 40320
}

2.=====

#include 

int XYZ(int Y)
{
  int X = 20;
  printf("%d\n", X);
  return X*Y/3;
}
int main()
{
  int X = 10;
  printf("%d\n", X);
  printf("%d\n", XYZ(X));
  printf("%d\n", X);
  return 0;
}
/** What is the output?
10
20
66
10
**/

3.========
#include 

int XYZ(int Y)
{
  int X;
  int Z = -10;
  for(X = 1; X <= Y; X++) {
    if((X % 2) == 0) Z +=3;
    else             Z++;
  }
  return Z;
}
int main()
{
  int X = 10;
  printf("%d\n", XYZ(12));
  return 0;
}
/** What is the output?
14
**/

More Daftness in Canned Opening Lines

This recruiter apparently from NJ (by his phone area code) sends me a message thru M0nster about a job in Montreal, QC, Canada. Strange, eh?

The opening line comes in strongly stating that I've been "shortlisted". Ha?

Also the phrasing & rhythm of sentences is vaguely bizarre, 419-style.

Your profile is shortlisted. Please share your profile.
This position is with direct client.

Skill :C++ developer
Location : Montreal, Canada
Req : #3039419

Looking for a Linux C++ developer, with a background of
working with C++, Python and Networking.

This is a role to work on the core networking technologies
that make up our global low-latency trade plant. The
candidate does not need to come from a finance background.

Qualifications:
·    5+ years of professional experience with C and C++
     on UNIX/Linux
·    A passion for design, problem solving, AND hands-on
     development
·    A strong knowledge of object-oriented design, data
     structures, systems and applications programming,
     and multithreading programming are a plus
·    Good communication skills
·    Financial knowledge and project management experience are a plus but not necessary

Another variation on this theme:

I came across your resume on Monster as one of the top
few individuals that met the requirements for this role
and wanted to reach out to you to see if you would be
interested in an opportunity for a Developer with XYZ
with one of our major clients located conveniently in
Toronto's downtown core.

But wait! there's more of this (does this one think I'm a fellow bottomf^H^H^Hrecruiter?):

Hope you are doing good!

I have gone through your hotlist, hope you have
consultants for the below requirements kindly go
through them and let me know if you have any apt
profiles.

And a bubbly one:

Hi Friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is
J. from XYZ which MI based and I am into Recruitment,
all friends who are into sales kindly add me in your
distribution list and gtalk

And one which is a straight lie:

Hope you are doing good!

I got your resume from your employer, I would like
to submit your resume to my client for the below
position, if you are interested I request you to
provide the details given below

On Canadian Security Clearance jobs

Got an inquiry from a recruiter in Ottawa about an Embedded Linux job. I asked back for jd and he said that he cannot send it to me unless I have a Secret Clearance(!!!)

There are two not-so-nice things about this:

• One can get a clearance [according to the recruiter] only if sponsored by an employer and only if residing in Ottawa [for this particular job].
• The process to get it is incredibly invasive with one's [private] life -- I may have to account to my siblings', half-siblings' and parents' (to say nothing of their dogs!) travels et whereabouts et employment status as well, eh?

And I thought that being fingerprinted by the US border guards was offensive enough...

-ulianov

"As Discussed", eh?

The latest fad among recruiters is to spam (cold-call style, no prior contact) one with a piece not unlike the one below. I truly enjoyed the part about you feels interested in Above position.

-ulianov

Subject: As Discuss
Hello,

Greetings from XYZ. The Implement client is TCS.

Role name: Embedded BSP Systems Developer – WEC7 -
           Lewistown, PA

[...]

Please fill in the following details if you feels
interested in Above position
1)    Full legal name (Mr./Ms./Mrs.) :
2)    Reachable contact number :
3)    Visa Status & expiry date :
4)    Current Location :
5)    Availability :
6)    D.O.B. (mm/dd/yyyy) :
7)    Skype :
8)    Employer’s Contact Detail (if any) :
9)    Name of the highest degree you have done :
10)  University from which you completed your highest degree :
11)  Percentage / Marks scored in highest degree :
12)  Start date and End date of highest degree :
13)  Please attach updated resume :
14)  Probable Flexible Interview Timings : This is mandatory
            Time Slot 1:
            Time Slot 2:
Three References with Official Email ID's
Name:
Company & Designation:
Official Email ID: