Monday, October 26, 2009

Job Posting on Crāigslist/Tōrōnto

Here is a mock job posting on behalf of the typical agency I found on the list:
[...] Our tense, open-concept, uninsulated work environment, emphasis on work-life balance (90%-10%) and tepid rewards help make us nearly indistinguishable from the rest. Founded too late in the tech boom, our state-of-the-warehouse-art headquarters is located beside a busy stamping plant.

We are looking for developer wannabees to restock our demoralized developer pool and be another faceless cog in our digital sweatshop.

The Softheaded Engineer is mainly responsible for generating billable hours. If the customer complains, the Softheaded Engineer is then responsible for the lack of technical specifications, technical design, code, unit and integration tests, despite the insane schedule and zero budget. He/she will also be subjected to ridicule at unscheduled occasional design and code reviews, none of which results in high quality software services and offerings. The deliverables are expected to pacify, or at least confuse the customer, by at least seeming to meet the statement of work. Softheaded Engineers are also responsible for continuous post-release fixes to bugs that were hidden from the customer. Softheaded engineers rarely participate in initiatives to improve processes, standards and practices. [...]

• The ideal candidate is a programming whiz with low self-esteem, with degrees in Confuser Science, Election Engineering, or Behavioural Physics.
• 1 - 2 years industry experience desired, max. Any more and you'd know enough to avoid shops like ours.
I think the best bit is «The deliverables are expected to pacify, or at least confuse the customer.»

-ulianov